Have you read The Sondheims, yet?

And now American Playhouse's production of Trey Parker and Matthew Stone's "Assassins In South Park", starring:

• Chef as the Folksinger

  Folksinger:

  Someone tell the story
  Someone sing the song
  Of how I'd love to lay you down
  And go a little wrong
  

  
  

• Uncle Jimbo as the Proprietor

  Proprietor:

  Now this is a four-fifty...

  
  

• The Mayoress as Leon Czolgosz

  Czologosz:

  I did it because it is wrong for one man to have so much press when I have none.

  
  

• Eric Cartman as Charles Guiteau

  Guiteau:

  I am goin' to the lordy
  That is so sweet!

  
  

• Wendy Testeburger as Squeaky Fromme
  Stan as John Hinkley, Jr.

  Fromme:

  I am unworthy of your love...

  Hinkley:

  Bleah!

  Fromme:

  Ew, gross!

  
  

• Mrs. Cartman as Sara Jane Moore

  Moore:

  This one was on sale. It - no, not the Cheesy Poofs - well, actually the Cheesy Poofs, too.

• The School Psychologist as Zangara

  Zangara:

  I did it because my belly was on fire, mm-okay?

  
  

• Mr. Garrison as Lee Harvey Oswald

  Witness:

  Oh my god, he killed Kennedy! You bastard!

  
  

• Ned as Samuel Byck

  Byck:

  Nnnndontigetaprizennnnn?

  
  

• Officer Barbrady as Bystander #1

  Bystander:

  We crowded up close
  And I see this guy
  And I say,
  'Nothing to see here'!
  

  
  

• Kyle as John Wilkes Booth
  Kenny as David Herold, James Garfield, and Gerald Ford

  Booth:

  Dude! Have you seen these papers? Do you know what they're calling me? A common cutthroat! A hired assassin! This one says I'm mad!

  Herold:

  Ee msv bn md t fnk ee kid kll th residin n gt a ay wid id!

  Booth:

  Dude, we did get away with it! He was a bloody tyrant and we brought him down!